Riding for Two

Being pregnant for the first time can easily be compared to being on a roller coaster, blindfolded. Not only do you find constant changes to your body, your emotions and your thought processes every day but you really have no idea what's coming next and when it does come (whatever "it" may be) you are left in the dark wondering, "is this normal"? You cannot anticipate what stomach dropping (no pun intended) careening turn will come next and then...the free fall. A barrage of conflicting, sometimes confusing (sometimes even hurtful-although well intentioned) messages from loved ones, big, scary words thrown out by doctors with little or sometimes no explanation, the feeling of worry that washes over you every time there is a random ache, pain or change in your body, worry not only for yourself but for your developing baby whom you are trying so hard to protect yet have no way of communicating with. The ride can be thrilling but it can also be downright terrifying.

And herein lies the reason that, I believe, every newly pregnant woman should treat herself to a copy of the pregnancy bible, "What to Expect When You're Expecting". This book has really been a lifesaver for me. It goes through, week by week of your pregnancy and advises on what to eat, weight gain, what will be covered at each doctors visit, where to find local resources, symptoms (what's normal, what's not and how to address), aches pains, sleep patterns, fetal development, childbirth techniques, etc...

The list goes on and on which is why the book was written rather than someone like me trying to cover every informational aspect of pregnancy since the beginning of time in a Google Blog. But I can say, speaking from experience, that I have found this book immensely helpful. Everything I have experienced thus far has been addressed in some way in this book and the sections that describe what the doctor will discuss at each visit have been spot on, helping to eliminate some of that "lost in the dark" feeling and the anxiety that comes with it. Another positive about the book is that many of the questions are sent in by pregnant readers and the responses to these questions, while informative are often humorous in a gentle, non-offensive way.

There is much comfort in reading the submissions of other women and realizing that I am not the first to have gone through this whole "pregnancy" thing and that pretty much everything I have experienced so far, no matter how scary it feels to me, has been a normal part of being a pregnant, worried, first time mommy. So, if you are pregnant, do yourself a favor, check out your local bookstore or jump on Amazon.com and get yourself a copy of this book. The price you pay for the book is worth the peace of mind it brings. Who wants to ride a roller coaster while pregnant anyway? Especially blindfolded. Yikes!

Here's to getting "off" the ride!

-New Mommy in Town

Some Say Love...

Found this quote tonight. So beautiful... I hope that one day when I look back over my life, I will find that my roots, my husbands roots and our children's roots have become one beautiful, strong tree!

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and
not two.

--St. Augustine

Puzzle of the Day

Well...probably Puzzle of the Month (or Year) since I don't have a wealth of puzzles to choose from. Anyway, found this puzzle and thought it was an interesting question. Not sure what the answer is or if there is any right answer but seems like a fun one to think about! Maybe I will post more puzzles as I find them. :)

Enjoy!

You approach two talking doors. One door leads to your destination, while the other door leads to certain death. You do not know which door is which. You are able to ask only one question to determine which door is which. One door tells the truth, and one always lies. You want to go to the door of your destination. What question will you ask to determine which door leads to your destination, and why will it give you the correct answer?

The Case of The Pregnant Husband

As I continue into the foray of pregnancy and my baby continues to grow, move, kick and develop inside of me, I am not surprised to find that I am gaining weight, becoming more emotional and am requiring more sleep than I can ever remember wanting or needing. What I AM surprised by are the emotional outbursts, mood swings, weight gain and additional sleep requirements that my HUSBAND is exhibiting.

For example, last night, after sitting in somber, contemplative silence for most of the night, I ventured to ask my significant other what was on his mind. In response I received a grunt and a shoulder shrug. A few minutes later at the ripe old hour of 9:00pm on a Saturday night, he announced he was going to bed and moped upstairs (this after a five hour nap that afternoon, mind you). I went to lay down with him hoping to get some insight into what was on his mind. After laying in silence for several minutes, I asked him if he had any interest in buying a new I Phone. He replied that he did not. "Good, I remarked, I have heard bad things about them". Uh-oh! Apparently negative speak of I Phones was not to be on the menu this evening. "Well, I haven't heard bad things about them" he roared back at me, "EVERYONE I know that has one LOVES it" suddenly he launched into a rant about how I am always bashing him, criticizing everything he likes, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... This rant continued for a few more minutes until I managed to ease my pregnant, aching back off the bed without doing any permanent harm to myself and escape to the relative safety (and quiet) of our living room. As I sat in silence in our darkened living room with my purring cat looking up from my lap as if to assure me that HE would never go off on me in such a manner I began to wonder, "Just exactly who is the pregnant one here?"

It seems that as my pregnancy has progressed, my husbands symptoms (aching back and feet, nausea, sleepiness, heartburn, mood swings, etc...) have increased at a much accelerated pace to any symptoms I have experienced. This can be frustrating because when I want to take up the whole couch and take a nap, he has beat me to it, when I want to be pampered, his back is hurting him, when I'm not feeling well, neither is he. Is this natures way of preparing me for child rearing? By first presenting me with a pregnant husband, desperately in need of my care?

This question still hung heavy on my mind as I tip toed back into the minefield of our bedroom. As I laid down as gently as possible so as not to wake the beast, he surprised me once again by wrapping his arms around me, lodging his head against my shoulder and whispering that he loved me. Instead of following my first instinct, which was to look at him like he had three heads and ask him just what planet of hormonal dysfunction he was residing on, I wrapped my arms around him and told him I loved him too. As I lay awake I acknowledged that, while there may be much confusion and many things I am not aware of regarding pregnant husbands (and pregnant wives for that matter) there is one thing I am 100% sure of, and that is this: For the rest of our hopefully long lives together, I will never ever speak poorly of the I Phone in my husbands presence again!

Dedicated to Pregnant Husbands (and Wives, and perhaps undeservingly judged I Phones Everywhere)

-New Mommy In Town

The Story of our Lives...

I heard from a friend today who mentioned that, in many ways, it is easier to be single than to be in a relationship. I agree. Being in a relationship means looking out for, considering the feelings of, budgeting for, buying for, etc...2, 3 or even more people. Every day I see more and more why they say that marriage and family is "work". Suddenly you have to consider the feelings and the effect your actions will have on your significant other and your children before any decision you make, you double your income and triple or quadruple your expenses. You have to divide chores, bills, responsibilities and duties. You have to provide guidance and be strong even when you are at your weakest. I can't even imagine how hard it gets when you have to begin worrying about such "real issues" as illness, social security benefits,medicare, etc...Aye yay yay. The thought of all that work alone can be enough to make even those most fond of the idea of committing run in the opposite direction when trying to decide whether to partner up.

But what is the flip side of all that "work"? I look at my beautiful grandmother who raised 4 children and now has 4 son and daughter in laws, 13 grand kids and a great grand baby on the way. I think about how close our family is and how we visit regularly and support each other through the good times and the bad. I recently watched my aunt and uncle renew their vows after 30 years of marriage (their 4 children served as their wedding "party) and the original minister that married them 30 years ago performed this ceremony. Many tears were shed in the audience as my uncle stated that he knew 30 years ago and he is even more sure now, that my aunt is the only woman for him while a slide show playing behind them showcased snapshots of their lives together accompanied by a song performed by their teenage daughter.

I looked over at my grandmother during the ceremony and wondered if there was any way that she could have predicted the many lives her life and love would create and touch over the span of her lifetime. Were it not for her, none of us would be here.

Although it is true that partnerships between lovers, friends, husbands and wives, may not last, and loving others can mean opening yourself up to an immeasurable amount of heartache, loss, sadness. work and vulnerability it can also mean opening yourself up to a world of love, laughter, creation and joy that in my book, is all that will really matter in the long run.

When I think of all the work that entering into marriage means, I also think about the incredible love, friendship and trust that my husband and I have built up in just the 6 years we have been together. I think of our baby that is on the way and the love we already have for him. I picture the sweet things that my husband does for me (kissing my belly each morning, rubbing my feet at night, greeting me with a big hug and kiss at the door each night, sending me sweet text messages during the day). I envision the life that is to come for us and the lives and memories that our love will create, and I can't imagine wanting things any other way...

Wishing Life, Love and Laughter for all of you,

-New Mommy in Town

7 Months and Counting

As I near my 28th week of pregnancy, I thought I might share some interesting facts about this stage of pregnancy that have been relayed to me through research and by my doctor. Some of them you may know, some are surprising. Either way, as Anais Nin so poignantly stated, "the possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery." So read on....

*At week 28, the baby has reached 2 1/2 lbs and can be up to 16 inches long.

*Baby can now blink, cough, suck, hiccup, take practice breaths and dream (by this stage the baby has begun to get REM sleep)-SO AMAZING!

*Baby's lungs are fully mature by now.

*You will want to begin researching postpartum medication or treatments.

*Baby is getting into position to be born and may be resting on your Sciatica nerve, causing pain through the lower part of the spine that radiates down through your legs. Swimming or water exercises, a warm heating pad, stretching and getting off your feet can help ease this pain.

*Most women go into labor at around 40 weeks, so still another 3 months to go. (Sigh)

*Fetal activity is usually stronger and more frequent.

*Leg cramps, back aches and itchy abdomen may continue/increase for mom.

*Your doctor will give you a Glucose screening test to check for gestational diabetes.

*You will want to begin counting kicks-Morning and night are the most active times. You should be able to feel 10 kicks, flutters or movements within 10 minutes.

*Work out your pelvic floor muscles (with kegel exercises)try to do three sets of 20 daily. Bonus-they make delivery easier, sex better AND you can do them anywhere.

*Now is the time to begin discussing birth plans, whether you will want pain medication during labor and the best type for your situation, breathing exercises, what to bring with you to the hospital the day of your delivery, etc...with your doctor.

7 months and counting (well, counting those kicks anyway).

-New Mommy in Town

Letter To My Son

I can clearly recall the day that I first found out, I was pregnant with you. I had just returned from meeting your daddy for lunch, at the shipyard in Portland , Oregon where he was working. I had suspected for a few weeks that I might be pregnant but was putting off taking any tests mainly due to my fear of the unknown. That day, I knew that I could not hold off any longer. I went to the drugstore and bought a pregnancy test. It tested positive. I went back to the drug store and bought another test. That tested positive too. I went to the dollar store and bought 6 pregnancy tests. All positive.

As I sat in the midst of my sea of pregnancy tests, I felt a mixture of emotion and questions like I had never experienced before? Would I make a good mom? Was I too selfish of a person to make room in my life for a child? Would your father be happy to hear the news, scared, excited, overwhelmed? Your father wouldn’t be home for a few more hours, which may as well have been years as I sat and watched the clock wondering when would be the best time to tell him. It turned out that the best time was to blurt out the news right when he walked in the door. I asked him to sit down and I told him that I loved him more than anything and then I said, “I’m pregnant”. He sat there in stunned silence for a bit and then he asked to be alone. I don’t know what he was feeling, or what I was feeling for that matter. It wasn’t that we didn’t want kids or hadn’t talked about having them it was just not something that we were necessarily prepared for right then. We were getting married in a month and had planned to take a honeymoon, come home, settle in and start looking at buying a house. It seemed that now, all that was to be put on hold, perhaps indefinitely.

In the days that followed, my emotions swung from daydreams of picture perfect scenarios of being a mother to utter sadness at what would be the loss of my life as I had always known it. Suddenly, my life was not mine anymore, my life was and would forever now be all about your life. Everything that was previously mine would now be yours. Sometimes the thought of no longer just living for me seemed incomprehensible and terrifying.

My emotions vacillated between these extremes for weeks as I contemplated the changes to my body and my outlook that pregnancy and raising a child would bring. Your daddy didn’t seem to share my fears as he encouraged me to sleep, kissed my belly in the morning and called us “his loves”. I was amazed at his ability to love you, even before you were fully formed, and it reminded me of all the things that I love about him and assured me that he would be an amazing father. Still, I felt in some way that I was not living up to my part of the bargain. Everything that I read made it seem as though every woman is instantly overjoyed to find out she is pregnant. I could not find any articles on sadness, fear or being overwhelmed with finding out that you are pregnant. I felt alone and like maybe there was something wrong with me. Was I not going to be a good mother? With trepidation and excitement, I made an appointment for my first ultrasound, hoping that the doctor would be able to help me answer some of the questions I had.

At 14 weeks I went in to have my first Ultrasound. The doctor that saw me was wonderful. She assured me that I was not alone in any of my feelings and gave me the names and contact information for support groups and exercise groups for first time moms. She checked my weight and measurements and assured me that everything looked normal. She then rubbed an enhancing gel on my stomach and used a machine that employed sound waves to pull up an image of you on the screen. She laughed as she noted that it was hard to get a clear image of you because you were moving so much and I thought, “he’ll be restless, always wanting to be in the go, just like his mama”. Then, something magical happened, the clearest picture of you appeared on the screen. I could see in full detail, the shape of your head and the outline of your nose, mouth, eyes and lips. There you were, lying peacefully in my stomach, kicking your tiny legs and rubbing your eyes with your tiny fists, sheltered from the loud outside world by the silence and insulation of my belly. You turned right to the screen at one point as though looking right at me and saying, “it’s going to be all right mom” then, you put your hand, palm down against my belly. It was right then that I fell utterly, hopelessly, completely in love with you. As I cried and laughed at the same time, I knew that from that moment on, I would do anything for you. Whether that means cutting out all alcohol, caffeine and junk food during pregnancy, changing diapers and staying up all night to soothe your tears, bandaging skinned knees or mourning the loss of a loved pet or friend with you. I will be there for you, for whatever time god allows us to be together, I will be by your side to protect you, to love you, to guide you and to cherish you. As you are forming in my stomach, each little kick or stretch that I feel inside of me makes you all the more real and special. I rub my belly and talk to you and let you know how much you are loved, already, and you haven’t even made your grand entrance into the world yet. Your daddy has bought you a crib, and toys and car seats and clothes. Your nursery is all set up and ready to go. You have a multitude of aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and family that are eagerly awaiting your arrival and can’t wait to meet you. You are so loved little one. You are loved now, you will be loved tomorrow and every day after. What is conceived in love, is sure to find love in the world it is brought into, and that is my wish for you, that you will always carry our love for you in your heart and let that love be your guide.

What is mine, what is ours, will forever be yours.

-Your Mommy