To Sleep or Not To Sleep...

My son is now 3 months old. About a week before his 3 month birthday, I decided that co-sleeping was no longer an option, not only did my son seem uncomfortable as he grunted, gasped and kicked my husband and I all night, desperately trying to free himself from the positioning wedge we had him propped up on (acid reflux be damned) but two and a half months of getting an average of three hours of sleep (and not consecutive hours either mind you) was turning me into a complete wreck I couldn't think straight during the day, was losing patience with both my son and my husband and falling behind at work.

I spoke with my husband and then looked up sleep methods for training infants to sleep in their cribs. I decided to try the Ferber method. The Ferber method advises parents to pick a time when they are not desperate for sleep and to begin putting their child in his or her own bed in increasing 5 minute increments. For example, the first night you would put your child down in their own bed and leave the room. If they cry, you wait five minutes before going in, comforting them, putting them back down and leaving the room again. If they cry again, you wait 10 minutes before going in, comforting them and getting them back down. You max out the time that you will let them cry at 15 minutes. The next night, you increase the length between visits in 5 minute increments (i.e. let them cry for 10 minutes, then 15, maxing out at 20).

The first night, the baby cried each time we left him. After an hour and a half of crying/comforting and crying again, the baby fell asleep on his own and slept five hours straight. The next night he cried intensely for 15 minutes before falling asleep, again for five hours. This night was the hardest because of the intensity of the crying. It does break any parents heart to hear their child crying, but my husband and I were determined that not only would sleeping in his own bed be best for the baby as he would be more comfortable and there would be less safety risks, but it would benefit us as well as I would be more rested, have more patience and would avoid losing my job due to mistakes caused by lack of sleep. By the third night, the baby did not cry when we put him in his crib and he again slept a full five hours. After he would sleep five hours I would change him, feed him, and rock him until he became sleepy before putting him back down again. I began noticing that he was happier during the day, was getting on more of a schedule and seemed well rested in the mornings. He also began taking his afternoon naps in his crib without fussing. After a week of sleeping from 9pm-3.am each night, he slept a full 8 hours. Heaven!My husband and I have our bed back again and I am no longer cranky, tired and absentminded all day from lack of sleep.

In my opinion, when a parent is ready and anxiety free enough to train their child to sleep in their own bed, I don't know why any parent wouldn't use this method. However, in reading blogs pertaining to this practice, it seems that there is a large percentage of parents that feel this method is cruel, scarring and traumatic to children. When I see my child's bright eyes and happy smile in the morning and see that he has had a comfortable nights sleep, I can't imagine how he is scarred by sleeping in his own bed. I also don't think he will remember a total of maybe two hours of crying as a baby for the rest of his life. I have talked to parents of two and three year old children that say they wish they had tried something like this earlier and complain that their toddlers are still sleeping in their parents bed and not sleeping through the night.

Obviously, it is every parents decision how and when they decide to try and get their children to sleep in their own beds but this route worked for us and has been a real blessing. Baby, mommy and daddy are reaping the benefits of of sleep filled nights and all are thriving because of it. Whatever it is that you choose to do, I wish every new mom lots of sleep, however you manage to get it. Happy mommies create happy babies!

Good Luck and Good Night

-New Mommy in Town

The Bjorn identity

Mothers. We come in all shapes and sizes, all different ethnicity's from all walks of life. Why then is it so easy for moms to be duped into thinking that we have to fall into the perfectly manicured, cookie cutter, Leave it to Beaver image of moms that is constantly being fed to us by the media, acquaintances or worst of all, our own inner "mean girl"?

The other day found my husband and I walking through a beautiful park, bathed in sunshine. You could not have asked for a more beautiful setting. The park included breathtaking redwoods, weeping willows and maple trees lining the banks of several small, mirror smooth ponds. I should have been ecstatic to be walking on my own two legs through such beauty with the man I love and our healthy, happy, beautiful baby boy. I should have not had a care in the world. Yet as we wandered, i couldn't help but compare myself to other moms and dads that I saw walking by. I saw two moms that were walking with their perfectly symmetrical baby Bjorn's strapped to their perfectly shaped bodies and I wondered why, when I strap my baby Bjorn on, it always seems to be at a bit of an angle, or the baby always seems to be hanging a little low. Why were their babies not fussing or spitting up on them. And how, in the world, did they manage to lose that baby weight so fast. couple after couple seemed to stroll by with their bright white smiles and their designer strollers, making me ever more aware of my tangled hair, tired eyes and second hand stroller. I thought about a woman i had met a few weeks before who told me that her son had had 100 people at his first birthday. I wondered if my son would be scarred for life by the fact that he might only have 10 attendees, or even worse just mom and dad and a homemade cake.

After we had returned home, I took some time to reflect on the things I had noticed and to weigh my insecurities against reality. Will my son grow up to be a horrible person because his Baby Bjorn hung slightly low and to the left? Will he look back on his second hand stroller with disgust and want nothing to do with me? Will he hate the thought of celebrating another birthday ever again because of the lack of attendance at his first. ummmmm...probably not. And even the fact that I was giving any breathing room to these silly thoughts and made up ideals was ridiculous. Who started the myth that we as mothers have to be perfect all the time, that without designer things, we're not just as good a mom as the next mom?

I have never been perfect, nor will I ever be perfect, nor do I believe that anyone or anything is perfect. So I will do my best and continue on with tired eyes and the occasional mop of unbrushed hair, I will stop comparing what I don't have and instead be grateful for what I do have. I will teach my son that it is what is on the inside, not the outside that is most important. I will do my best to teach him to be a good, wise, strong person and hope that it catches on. And, someday, should he ever pass someone in a park, holding a perfectly aligned Baby Bjorn, with perfectly white teeth, manicured nails, impeccable hair and an amazing "no one can tell that I just had a baby" body and stop to ask, "is that how you looked when I was little mommy?" I will tell him no. I will tell him that sometimes mommy was tired, or forgot to brush her hair, or walked out of the house without a stitch of makeup on, but that I never forgot what was really important: his happiness, his safety, his health. And when i tell him this, I won't feel even the least bit guilty about it :)

To imperfect mothers, everywhere

-New Mommy in Town

Giovanni Elijah Cabrera- The cutest baby on the block- and maybe in the whole world!

Of course I may be just a teensy bit biased!





Giovammi Elijah Cabrera- Est. 11/16/2009

Every day
Something new
A laugh, a smile
a lingering gaze.
You are growing so fast
and I am so amazed and honored
that I am able to bear witness
to the magic
that is your life!

-Giovanni's Mommy